another day of heartache :(

A day had passed yet still our vibes wasn't good. yes, i cant blame him nor myself. this day i experienced mixed emotions. i want to cry but there is no tears falling. when i saw his letter. shocked at the first place i did not expect that he wrote a letter to me. my heartbeat fast as i read it then my tears falling into my eyes without even knowing it. a few minutes later. he said goodbye. and im speechless. because all of the time i end to be like this. i know he can't fight our love. i know that since he confronted me. and it kills me, but all i can do is to accept the fact that we are not meant for each other. at first i thought he is the one because he's different and all. but.. there are some identifiable scenario happen. that it lead me not to trust him but afterwards i force myself to give him another chance because nobody's perfect. BUT NOW HE SAID GOODBYE BECAUSE HE LOVE ME. :( why am i always be like this? end up hanging? crying. and asking herself am i not worthy to love? I'm hoping to god that he can succeed in his life. i hope that he will be happy. i hope that this pain inside my heart will be fade away quickly. I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVE ME. BUT WERE NOT MEANT TO BE. :'(

FUCKING PAIN

And i read the msg of that bitch again in his yahoo and i did not expect it. i thought he said to me was true but ohh it's a lie again. and i want to punch his face until it will crack but i can't. i txted him with all my emotions, my madness. all the words comes inside of my head. i never knew that he can do this to me. but there's always a 

phrase "EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED" at first i decided not to reply of his text because im too tired of his lies. but there's a friend of mine send me message about FORGIVENESS,LOVE, etc. i try to ponder. and i can't handle myself especially if there's hatred in my heart. i feel like im not with GOD. and i realize nobody's perfect, so i gave chance to him. hoping and praying that it will not happened again. :)

SAYING GOODBYE :C

April 18 2011 that's the date of our SUCCESS as a NURSING student. and that's the last bonding we could ever be. sad to know its definitely true. i hope i can't cry in front of them. i hope i cannot lose my nerve. it's hard for me to say goodbye to them because they are part of my life. we encounter a lot of problems. in short we are FAMILY! I'm gonna ms their jokes, bullies and everything. I hope in the future our bonding will still the same. its hard for me to move on. i know its kinda OA but that's the truth. HAAY! but i think its time for us to become independent. its time for us to face our paths. and I'm hoping all of us can face our fears and one thing i hope that they will become responsible. :) hay! LORD GOD! i know I'm not perfect but please help me evrytime i needed you. i have so many plans in life. i hope i can make it. :) <3