happy ang INLOVE. :)

weeh! after how may months. i forget to write at you. anyway, times pass. days. i dont know where to start. but i   can tell you directly. ahm, the boy meets the girl and then they have a relationship now. and also I? have a relationship with my ex. honestly, im happy now than to my previous. it sound bitter but that is the truth. i think for the past months, it really happened beacause we are not meant for each other. and i know he's happy now. hopefully. because according to my classmate he court to that girl just to move on. HOW STUPID! i hope someday he realize that he is stupid. and also how to become a true person. because for me though he is 20 yrs old he act like 10. hahahaha! anyway, that his life. why would i problem his life? he want that kind of life. so lets support him. all i wanna say to him is GUDLUCK! 

and it feels like shit.

when he said to me they have dinner date with that girl. i feel pain inside but a few minutes after fade away. i dont know if what am i gonna say to him. but i said its better that he and that girl have a relationship for that his parents will be happy. a friend of mine said MOVE ON and HAVE FUN. this is my first time that i feel so dumb but sad to say i dont know what am i gonna do. everybody said to me. WE TOLD YOU FROM THE MOMENT THAT TWO OF YOU HAD FEELING WITH EACH OTHER DON'T PURSUE THAT FEELING COZ WE KNOW IN THE END YOU'LL CRY! but i follow my stupid heart. and here it goes. FUCKING PAIN AND PAIN! and ohhh it is twice! and all i can say FUCK! ANOTHER MISTAKE AGAIN! :(

WASTED. and it hurts. :(

I never knew that this is gonna be the ending of my love story. yess i know he's scared. and i didn't expect this shit happen to me. i love him honestly. but sad to say he love me but i think it is not to the extent that he will do for the sake of our love. waaaaa! ang sakit talaga. wala akong masabi. bakit ba kasi nangyari sakin to. :( walan naman ako ginagawa. hayy! lord help me to handle the situation. please! i dont want to fail. :| i know LORD GOD you gave me this kind of situation because you know i can surpass this. hopefully hindi ako maubusan ng pagasa. :(

another day of heartache :(

A day had passed yet still our vibes wasn't good. yes, i cant blame him nor myself. this day i experienced mixed emotions. i want to cry but there is no tears falling. when i saw his letter. shocked at the first place i did not expect that he wrote a letter to me. my heartbeat fast as i read it then my tears falling into my eyes without even knowing it. a few minutes later. he said goodbye. and im speechless. because all of the time i end to be like this. i know he can't fight our love. i know that since he confronted me. and it kills me, but all i can do is to accept the fact that we are not meant for each other. at first i thought he is the one because he's different and all. but.. there are some identifiable scenario happen. that it lead me not to trust him but afterwards i force myself to give him another chance because nobody's perfect. BUT NOW HE SAID GOODBYE BECAUSE HE LOVE ME. :( why am i always be like this? end up hanging? crying. and asking herself am i not worthy to love? I'm hoping to god that he can succeed in his life. i hope that he will be happy. i hope that this pain inside my heart will be fade away quickly. I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVE ME. BUT WERE NOT MEANT TO BE. :'(

FUCKING PAIN

And i read the msg of that bitch again in his yahoo and i did not expect it. i thought he said to me was true but ohh it's a lie again. and i want to punch his face until it will crack but i can't. i txted him with all my emotions, my madness. all the words comes inside of my head. i never knew that he can do this to me. but there's always a 

phrase "EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED" at first i decided not to reply of his text because im too tired of his lies. but there's a friend of mine send me message about FORGIVENESS,LOVE, etc. i try to ponder. and i can't handle myself especially if there's hatred in my heart. i feel like im not with GOD. and i realize nobody's perfect, so i gave chance to him. hoping and praying that it will not happened again. :)

SAYING GOODBYE :C

April 18 2011 that's the date of our SUCCESS as a NURSING student. and that's the last bonding we could ever be. sad to know its definitely true. i hope i can't cry in front of them. i hope i cannot lose my nerve. it's hard for me to say goodbye to them because they are part of my life. we encounter a lot of problems. in short we are FAMILY! I'm gonna ms their jokes, bullies and everything. I hope in the future our bonding will still the same. its hard for me to move on. i know its kinda OA but that's the truth. HAAY! but i think its time for us to become independent. its time for us to face our paths. and I'm hoping all of us can face our fears and one thing i hope that they will become responsible. :) hay! LORD GOD! i know I'm not perfect but please help me evrytime i needed you. i have so many plans in life. i hope i can make it. :) <3

silence

I wander why am i always like this everytime i had problems. for me better to keep my mouth shut rather than sharing my problems to other people. this time i had a lot of problems, like in my school stuffs, rel. with other people, my sister, my attitude. i dont wan to lose faith, i dont want to blame other people, but honestly now i dont understand my feelings. tsk. its like im irritated. waaaaa! hahay, .... and sad to say my brain now isn't working. so i better take a rest. thanks for listening. 

can i say "IM HAPPY?" OR "NOT?"

yesterday, ive done my part i think. i told him through text because i dont know how to handle it seriously! i told him all my feelings. i share it to my mom and friends. thats why now it is not heavy inside.


 haay! i thought
he change but sad to say it'll worst. i know i am not perfect and i can't give all that he needed but if he did not want me anymore why he's always saying that "HE LOVE ME?" fuck! i wondered why am i always like this. tsk! :( 

"FEBRUARY 28, 2011" this is the date i was totally f***ed up! tsk.

that day i feel dumb. i dont know what am i gonna do. i feel like im a bad person because i experienced this kind of pain. im trying to question my friends about my performance to them but they said im a great person,IM A GOOD friend, but how come i can feel this stupid pain? how come im always to be like this?   how come i soo love the person but they leave me hanging?how come i change for the better but still it doesn't work? how come i fight him but it end to be like this? how come?? CAN ANYBODY ANSWER ALL THIS QUESTIONS? because swear i don't know how can i manage it! i know it's my fault, i expect everything from him. why do boys always say that he love you, they dont want you to get hurt but in fact their action represent an immoral act! they always say lines that may encourage you to love them again but sad to say its all "LIES" . i may not be a good person in some aspects but im trying to respect all the people around me. but it is enough! haaayy! i dont know what to do im in the stage of depression now but im trying to help myself not to express it because i know theyre going to ask me what's wrong and i dont want to talk about it! waaaaaa! hahay! :(

sad and happy!

there are times i cried bcoz of the late reply. i know it was stupid but sad to say it really hurt. i know it was stupid again but im trying to express it by crying because it is really heavy inside. when answering his call i dont know how i feel. yeah! it was awkward after all the stupid confession i made; i feel ashamed and happy. not knowing that his angry to me. i felt sorry to myself and to him. but after all the bad things happen to me. god help us to overcome that problem all  throughout. im happy because were open to each other but im a little bit sad because my brothers and him have a misunderstanding. i dont know how to handle these. but LORD i know you love me please help me. LOVE YOU! :)) 

yeah!: happy! :)

yeah!: happy! :): "hmmm. anyway i dont know what am i going to post here because it is my first time to have these kind of account! hahaha! i want to share som..."

:(

feeling dumb! i know its difficult but Im trying to change. and now that ive change we'll always fighting. wat am i supposed to do? i dont know what to do now. can anybody help me through this damn situaton?